Toby Grainger
Toby Grainger

We're All Coming Under Attax

Marginally more exciting than sticking gerbils up your bottom is filling out your income tax return for the last financial year. The Government Theft Department (IRD) is working overtime at present making sure none of us have put the decimal point in the wrong spot, otherwise they'll jump on you like a pregnant moose and sue you for gross negligence, carelessness, and for not tying up your shoelaces when you turn up for your appointment.

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(Click to enlarge.)

Whilst totally engrossed in this exercise of precision (I even had to take down the pictures of Darel Hall in order to concentrate), my mind threw at me a deeply concerning question. What in the blazers am I doing? More precisely, why is so much of last year's hard earned money (and I say hard earned because I was not sitting on the sofa watching re-runs of Dad's Army) being taken off me by the Government? If I really had to give up a portion of my earnings every year, why can't I give it to the Red Cross, the Cancer Society or the Let's Get Us a Decent Pub on Campus Fund. Instead the state milks our hard earned rewards from our already battered udders, spins it round in the big state urn and then dollops it out to Govt Departments who, though their own administrative ineptitude, whine that there's never enough to go round or make any "significant progress." That's because politicians know how to use our money best; first class trips to Europe to "reclaim" tattooed Maori heads, severance payouts of $340,000 to Tourism Board members, outrageous consultancy expenses, the horror goes on.

I am not alone in saying that "significant progress" would be made if the Govt left its money sucking tax tentacles, aka income tax, goods and services tax, fringe benefit tax, excise tax, tiny todger tax, belly button tax, and anything we've missed tax, out of our lives. If I want a service, be it health care, education, or a tram for that matter, then let me pay for it, but do not initiate force to make me pay for things that I do not want or need. Leaving our money in our wallets and leaving the Govt with as little to administer as possible will result in better rewards for those people who deserve it. In practical terms this translates to more bevies at the weekend. It is time we realised that the legalised theft of our money is in no way linked to our own benefit. If we want to pay for people to sit round all day and do nothing, then that should be our choice. It should not be forced upon us by the state. The prehistoric besottment that tax is some sort of necessary evil is as imbecilic as the person who dreamt it up. Now who was it that wanted their gerbils back?

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