Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 11/02/2000

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Friday February 11, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

Now that Green MP Nandor Tanczos has made his maiden speech, the Green Party of Aotearoa is stepping up its recruitment campaign with a new membership application form, whose content I am pleased to share with you today. It's quite simple - applicants are invited to assess their suitability by answering yes or no the following questions:

1) Do you believe that the late Emperor of Ethiopia, Haile Selasse was, and is, God?

2) Do you believe that Jamaican blacks are the chosen race, the true Jews?

3) Do you believe that next to Jamaican blacks, Maori are the chosen race?

4) Do you pronounce Maori as Mordi?

5) Do you believe it is evil to touch the flesh of a white person, unless that person is Sue Bradford?

6) Do you believe that Bob Marley's death was the result of a conspiracy of Jewish bankers, the CIA, the FBI, Fay-Richwhite & the Business Roundtable?

7) Do you believe that EVERYTHING is the result of a conspiracy of Jewish bankers, the CIA, the FBI, Fay Richwhite & the Business Roundtable? (If answering yes to this question, do not join the Greens, join New Zealand First.)

8) Are you a member of ASH?

9) Do you nonetheless smoke marijuana as though there were no tomorrow?

10) Do you believe that aside from Jamaican blacks and Aotearoa Mordis, human beings are a blight on the face of Mother Earth?

11) Do you believe that Mordis should lay a claim to all the earth, apart from Ethiopia & Jamaica, before the Waitangi Tribunal?

12) Do you believe that Joseph Stalin should be declared an honorary Jamaican black?

13) Do you live on a commune?

14) Do you uphold the intrinsic value of all nature as is where is, including the bacteria under your armpits?

15) Do you believe there should be a moratorium on science & technology?

16) Is your commune's tractor pedal-powered?

17) Do you bathe daily in compost?

18) Do you believe cell-phones & latte machines should be banned?

19) Do you believe EVERYTHING should be banned, except those things expressly permitted by the government?

20) Do you believe those things expressly permitted by the government should in fact be compulsory? (Note - answering yes to these last two questions would qualify you for membership of ANY major party.)

21) Do you believe all businessmen are crooks?

22) Do you believe everyone should receive an equal wage, to be determined by Laila Harre?

23) Do you believe that Playboy should be forced to feature Marion Hobbes as its centrefold for a whole year?

24) Do you believe tariffs should be set at 100%?

25) Do you believe that all computers should be smashed to bits with pick-axes?

26) Are you a member of the Ned Ludd Memorial Society?

27) Do you believe that Marion Hobbes should refuse to have anything to do with Playboy?

28) Did you need counselling because the Y2K bug didn't materialise?

29) Did you need counselling because Haile Selasse didn't materialise either?

30) Are you a moron?

If you are able to answer yes to all of the above, go to Green Party membership. Yes, you are well suited to any of the parties currently in Parliament, but Nandor's need is greatest. Just remember to put yourself on the Mordi Roll before signing up.

Politically Incorrect Show, saying the Greens are garbage - 309 3099.

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