Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 02/03/2000

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday March 2, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

Emboldened by the deafening, supportive baaaing of the sheeple on Radio Pacific yesterday, the communist government of the Democratic People's Republic of Aotearoa has announced a series of new measures:

Democratic People's Banks will be set up exactly one kilometre apart from each other on all roads. Each DPB will employ a thousand people, three quarters of whom will have to be Mordi in order to compensate for pakeha cultural genocide. The DPBs will issue credit cards with a limit of $100,000 per cardholder. All people on the Mordi roll, however, will receive special gold cards with credit limits of a million dollars. The DPBs will be personally supervised by the Commissar for Economic Development, Comrade Neanderton, who has had a moko carved on his face.

Intelligence tests will be conducted on the entire population over the voting age. Those who return scores higher than "moron" will be disenfranchised, with the women being sterilised & the males castrated. This is to prevent people who display anti-social levels of intellectual acumen from both voting & breeding future intelligent voters, thus guaranteeing the communist government's hold on power for perpetuity. Those at moron level & below will be paid fifty thousand dollars a year for each child they breed. Observers say the effect of these measures is likely to differ little from what we're already accustomed to.

Task Force Great Leaders will be set up to erect statues of Comrades Clark & Neanderton in all towns & cities. This will be the third job-creating project for the Ministry for Economic Development after the Democratic People's Banks & the castrations & sterilisations. The Comrades say the statues will help fill the need youngsters have for socially appropriate role models. Great Leader Jim Il Neanderton says he's always felt the destruction of the superb statues of Lenin & Stalin around the former Soviet Union was an act of unforgivable historical & cultural vandalism, to which people were put up by the CIA & the Business Roundtable.

Pensions will be raised to a million dollars a year for all people who pronounce "government" as "guvamint" & can show that they were personally responsible for at least a hundred workplace strikes between 1972 & 1984.

All people who are currently making no claim on the state & surviving off their own independent earnings will be sent to re-education camps & made to wear yellow triangles. The camps will be the fourth major job-creating project for the Ministry for Economic Development. Traits such as independence, self-reliance, initiative & innovative thinking will be denounced as anti-social. Daily self-criticism sessions among those displaying such undesirable characteristics will eliminate them from the behaviour of camp inmates. Failing that, the inmates will be eliminated.

All smokers will be gassed, apart from Mordi smokers & those who pronounce "government" as "guvamint." The gassings will be the fifth major job-creating project for the Ministry for Economic Development.

Announcing the new measures in the absence of Great Leader Helen Il Clark, Great Leader Jim Il Neanderton expressed his heartfelt gratitude to callers to Radio Pacific's Ritchie-at-large & Politically Incorrect Shows, who inspired him to greater heights of self-sacrificing on behalf of the workers & peasants of the Democratic People's Republic of Aotearoa. Comrade Jim Il Neanderton also announced that the hosts of these programmes, not being on government welfare & having made disgracefully anti-social, subversive & treasonous statements to the workers & peasants, would be sent to the first of the new re-education camps, rumoured to be located at Moutoa Gardens.

The Politically Incorrect Show, laughing in the wind of your pathetic socialist bleating - 309 3099.

If you enjoyed this, why not subscribe?