Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 27/09/2000

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Wednesday September 27, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

In the wee hours of yesterday morning I heard a caller to Ewing complain about my use of the term "Nazi," as in my substitution of "NaZis On Air" for New Zealand On Air. I consider this a justifiable epithet for those who would take our money by force & intimidation to impose government-dictated nostrums of cultural correctness upon us - such behaviour & attitudes were indeed pervasive in the Third Reich. Moreover, this label quickly stuck. It helped bring down on the NaZis the opprobrium they deserved & bring down the NaZis On Air tax. As a rule, I try to make my name-calling similarly appropriate & deserved. Sometimes, though, such is my contempt for the politicians & bureaucrats who seek to "run our lives with our money" that I just want to "let it all hang out." This impulse was fed a roast meal yesterday by an e-mail from someone who shares it. The content makes me seem weasel-worded by comparison. It's attributed to one Richard Jefferies, &, in a spirit of utterly gratuitous self-indulgence, I repeat it for you today (you might like to take notes):

"Here's my take on the modern day politician and civil service bureaucrats:

"You are a swine, a vulgar little maggot, a worthless bag of filth. You are a canker, a sore that won't go away. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit, a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel, a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

"You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth.

"You are a snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

"You are weary, stale, flat, unprofitable, grimy, squalid, nasty, profane, foul, and disgusting. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are a waste of flesh, the moral equivalent of a leech. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void, sour and senile. You are a disease, a puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling meatslapper.

"On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character, and have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy, asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness, and spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You are a fiend, a coward, a degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

"I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid; perhaps you are some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid, some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

"And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

"You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You craven dewberry pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

"Bugger off, pillock!"

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