Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 28/09/2000

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday September 28, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

You may remember this news item from a few days ago: "A failure to show its services were 'culturally appropriate' may have cost the Northland Emergency Services Trust its contract with ACC to carry accident victims." It quoted a Dr Rankin of the ACC as saying, "The information on how the provider was going to provide culturally appropriate services was lacking." The fact that the Trust had performed the work for twelve years without its cultural appropriateness being questioned was apparently neither here nor there. In any event, the Trust can breathe easy. I have received advice via e-mail from a Northlander which, if followed, will assuredly enable the Trust to have its contract reinstated:

"Accident victims (hence ACC work) have been about a third of the helicopter's work. A disproportionate about of its 'customers' are in a minority race, who strangely enough, have never complained of the service that saved their lives anyway. That might have something to do with the fact that they are generally unconscious, in shock or dying while travelling in this culturally insensitive machine.

"However, here are some suggestions to convert our nasty white-man rescue service into something more politically correct ...

"Serve Hangi Meals out the back of the 'copter.

"Replace the small UHF high-gain radio aerial with a coat hanger (pronounced kotanga).

"Have the oxygen masks remolded in the shape of a beer mug.

"Reserve a small space inside the 'copter as an office for a representative from Housing NZ to work from... or a Social Welfare/Work and Income representative... or a TAB worker...or a Parole Officer.

"Rename it a Rescue Waka, and replace it with one of those huge twin-rotor troop-carrying models that has more of the traditional Waka shape, and room to carry all the cuzzies.

"As a Waka, it would be inappropriate for it to carry any lifejackets.

"Add another 4 helicopters to the local service, and keep them all parked in long grass outside the rescue base.

"Washing or rust-treating the copters is to be forbidden.

"Not all of NZ is Maori, however, so we need other features, like a pervading smell of curry for our Indian friends.

"Replace the Hangi with a servery that dishes out the genitals of a dozen endangered species for our Asian friends to gain strength from feasting on, and insist that the 'client' be allowed to haggle for a better deal (e.g. no - I have 2 litre oxygen an' sweet an' sour pork wit my Adrenalin - an' I get to keep the bandages).

"Replace the 'copter's proud Russian Sikorsky badge with one that reads Nissan or 'olden (note the required missing letter in Holden).

"Frankly, I think the best solution to the problem is to maintain the same old service, but refuse to collect any MPs or ACC employees who may be needing some help. Eventually all these PC tossers will die off, and sanity will regain a hold again."


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