Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 09/04/2001

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Monday April 9, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

A caller asked me on Friday whether my short stint in hospital had altered my beliefs about religion - had the possibility, however remote, of departing this world given me cause for pause? "To sleep perchance to dream"? I can honestly say that this didn't cross my mind for a second. I can also say that, if I DID turn out to be wrong & found myself confronting The Big Guy, I would want to give him a damn good talking to.

"What the hell have you been playing at?" I would demand. "You get bored one day, start this whole gig off, don't like the way it shapes up even though you know in advance how it'll turn out - so you go & drown everybody & start over. After a while you're still not satisfied, so you send someone down to give us the message again - & you have the poor beggar slung up on a bit of wood for his troubles. Jesus, God, you don't half like seeing people suffer, do you? All those earthquakes & exploding volcanoes & avalanches & floods; all those nasty viruses & plagues - bet you got a hell of a kick from all that, huh? And why didn't you let me know you were here? You weren't necessary for me to explain anything - if you can be self-sufficient, why can't the universe? Just how did YOU get here, anyway? Seemed perfectly obvious to me that you were at least AWOL - after all, what self-respecting God would stand idly by & let Jerry Falwell front for him? In fact, all of your people did a lousy sales job. Couldn't get their stories straight to begin with. Couldn't get on with each other, let alone with me. And what about the deranged tangents you let all those mad Muslims go off on?

"Damn it, you gave me this brain to think with, & you knew that I would pass you up - why did you even bother with me? Another sadistic trick, huh? - give people all these messy urges so they'll breed more playthings for you. I didn't ask to be put on earth, you know. You put me there, knowing I'd be a bad boy, just for the hell of being able to punish me for it now. What sort of game is that? What sort of rules do you call those?! And while we're on your punishment kick, don't you think you've inflicted enough suffering on me already? Was it not enough that you put me on talkback radio for all those years? I fought for people's freedom to believe in you, you know. OK, so they didn't give a damn - but why put ME on the roasting spit?

"I mean, good God, God, get your act together!"

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