Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 21/06/2001

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday June 21, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

OK, OK, enough already! Please, don't anyone else e-mail me what I'm about to read out - I've received it about 30 times in the past week! You wanted me to read it on air, so here it is. I don't know who wrote it or where it first appeared, but it certainly seems to be enjoying wide circulation. No comment from me is necessary:

NZ To Be Disbanded: PM Claims Nobody's Using It Anyway

APA: AUCKLAND, Wednesday:

Following the successful disbanding of the armed forces, New Zealand's Prime Minister, Helen Clark revealed a new bold plan to totally disband the entire nation.

In a statement to the world's press, Prime Minister Clark unveiled her "Great Leap Nowhere" plan.

Launching the plan, Clark suggested reports that New Zealand's armed forces had been forced to say "bang, bang" during war exercises had been the final nail in the coffin for the once-almost-proud nation.

"For years now we've been doing nothing of value. All our really profitable industries have gone overseas. Music, kiwifruit, Russell Crowe. After that it's basically just a bunch of sheep and a once-proud rugby team. Even the cricketers are mediocre by world standards," Clark said.

Clark went on to outline the timetable for disbanding the nation following the sale of the Navy's two dinghies and after the Army gives its shotgun back to the British.

In a sometimes emotional presentation Ms Clark outlined the difficulties facing the former country. "Every nation has its problems but, as the leader, you can always look at some other loser nation and say 'They're worse off than us.' We finally realised that we could no longer do that."

The final nail in the coffin came last Monday when the New Zealand Treasury tabled a report that Adam Gilchrist's new contract with the Australian Cricket Board had him earning more than New Zealand's entire GDP.

"When that hit us we realised that the ship of state was pretty much gunwale deep in sediment and it was time to turn off the bilge pumps and move to a real country," a Treasury spokesman said.

All industry and businesses are expected to have left the New Zealand by the end of June and all Government responsibilities will cease as at the first of July. Any farmers wishing to remain will do so on a purely subsistence basis with the possibility of a feudal system developing by the end of September.

The All Blacks will maintain a training facility near Otago until the end of August after which time New Zealand in all its forms and pursuits will cease to exist.

When asked how the loss of the entire nation of New Zealand will affect the region, a World Bank spokesman called for an atlas.

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