The Politically Incorrect Show - 04/08/1999
Music - Die Fledermaus
Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Wednesday August 4, proudly sponsored by Tuariki Tobacco Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.
Music up, music down!
News just to hand - Health Minister Wyatt Creech has announced the nationalisation of the health food industry. Responding to the furore over the banning of the sale of Lyprinol on the grounds that it might not be a cancer cure, Mr Creech said he now realised that it was time to bring everything else that might not cure cancer under government control as well. The manufacture, distribution & retailing of all dietary supplements would therefore be taken over by the state. Mr Creech said he had been prompted to take this action by a caller to Radio Pacific's Politically Incorrect Show who had said that absolutely EVERYTHING should be nationalised. "Since the government owns people, it follows log ... log ... logically that it should control everything they do," he said. "I was very impressed by this caller, Harry. He pointed out that everything we heard about the former Soviet Union was simply the result of a conspiracy among the Business Roundtable, Telecom & the tobacco companies. Of course, we will be nationalising THEM next. Oooooo! And soap powders! And toothpaste! And computers! And golf clubs & tennis racquets & newspapers & radio stations & sealing wax & cabbages & kings & the butcher, the baker & the candlestick maker!! Ooooooo. Mine, all mine!!!! Oooooooooooooo!!!!!"
After being cleaned up & wiped down, Mr Creech was asked what would happen to the present owners of health food shops. After conferring with his advisers from the Auckland University Economics Department, Mr Creech said the owners would receive counselling. Asked whether the same range of dietary supplements would be available from government health food stores, Mr Creech said, "Of course not. People are confused by having too many choices. I know I am. Everything will be the same. Same is simple, that's my motto. All this choice nonsense. Hah!" Asked whether the product would be as readily available as its predecessors, Mr Creech said, "Of course not. Are you stupid or something? Any fool knows there'll be waiting lists & shortages. Haven't you seen what happens in the government hospitals? The point is, waiting is good for people. Builds character. People need to learn how to wait, you know. All that pain. Ooooo! And all that dying. Dying is good for you too. Oooooo! Builds character. But best of all, everything will be mine. Mine!!! Miiiiiiiiiiine!!!! Thank you, Harry! Long Live Comrade Harreeeeeeee!"
At this point Mr Creech choked on his saliva & his eyes fell out of their sockets. A government ambulance was called, but it never arrived.
Donations to the Wyatt Creech Memorial Fund can be sent to Alliance Headquarters, North Korea. Donors are advised, however, that the government delivers the mail in North Korea ... and voting Alliance causes cancer.
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