Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 23/09/1999

Music - Die Fledermaus

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday September 23, proudly sponsored by Tuariki Tobacco Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

Music up, music down!

Ladies and gentlemen - well, gentlemen at least - the Alliance has released its latest tax proposal. Hard, so to speak, on the heels of its "abolish-student-fees-and-tax-small-business-premises instead" scheme, and its Progressive Symmetricality income tax plan, the Alliance is now promising to supply free food, clothing and shelter to all citizens with an IQ under 50 - that is, its own supporters - by means of a penis tax. "We already intend to tax everything in sight," says Alliance leader Jim Neanderton; "now it's time to start taxing things out of sight. Hitherto the penis has been exempt from tax, partly because it spends much of its time unemployed and/or hard up. Also, it has two dependents, both of whom are nuts. These are things to which we must be sensitive. Nonetheless, many people with penises have had the balls to be successful, and a tax on their penises would be a potent way of stiffening our commitment to drowning such anti-social tendencies. Accordingly, starting January 1 next year, the penis will be taxed. According to its size, naturally - another way of compensating for nakedly unfair inequalities. 10-12 inches will attract a Luxury Tax of $5000 each financial year; 8-10 inches, a Pole Tax of $3000; 6-8 inches, an Entertainment Tax of $2000; 4-6 inches, a Fringe Benefit Tax of $1000. Anything under 4 inches will earn a rebate."

This last category is understood to be that to which most Alliance members belong.

Asked if this proposal might serve as an incentive to big penis-owners to take anti-aphrodisiacs, Mr Neanderton became quite aroused. "That's what's so impressive about the penis ... er, penis tax. It will create a number of flow-on effects upstream - in this case, we shall enlarge the tax on aphrodisiacs five-fold. How fruitful is that?!"

Asked whether the tax wasn't discriminatory against men, Mr Neanderton replied, "Well you must understand that the tax was conceived with our support ... our supporters ... in mind. Looking at our women supporters, it was clear to us that a depreciation allowance would be more appropriate, even though, for understandable reasons, there was no wear-and-tear at all."

Asked whether the tax wasn't simply a means of penalising men for the sin of having greater-than-average endowments, Mr Neanderton screamed, "Yes, yes, oh, oh, oh God, oh my God, yes, yes!"

In spite of being mopped up and hosed down, he died.

His last words were, "Retards rule, OK?"

Politically Incorrect Show, exposing those who get off on tax for the dysfunctional psychopaths they are ... 309 3099

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