Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 25/11/1999

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Thursday November 25, proudly sponsored by Tuariki Tobacco Ltd, the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

The problem with this country is: there's not enough unemployment. I want to see far more people out of work. If I were Prime Minister, I would not rest until I had dramatically boosted the ranks of the jobless.

First to be booted out onto the streets would be about half the lecturers in universities, possibly more. These are the hocus-pocus merchants peddling Treaty of Waitangi excrement, Marxist sociology, Marxist Political Science, MBA gobbledygook, Feminist Law, Pseudo-Mordi Literature, Feminist Literature, Pseudo-Mordi Law, Environmentalism for Mosquitoes, Philosophy courses saying philosophy is useless, etc. This would immediately save the taxpayer millions of dollars & could be effected quite painlessly simply by privatising the universities. In a free market no one would have any use for such nonsense or the witch-doctors peddling it. Privatising primary & secondary schools would see most members of the teachers' unions out on the streets for similar reasons, & leave behind the teachers worthy of the name.

Of course, the streets would be crawling with redundant bureaucrats if I were Prime Minister (they are redundant now, but I would make it official & remove their diseased mouths from the state tit). Thousands upon thousands of the blighters - WINZ managers & staff, Graham Holland & his henchmen & all the underling Trirds, fat freaks from the Ministry of Ugly Wimmins Affairs, NaZis on Air goons, femi-fascists from the Human Wrongs Commissariat with their "I hate men" badges, the planning police from local, district & regional councils all over the country, countless cockroaches from numberless bureaucracies we never get to hear about - they'd all be clogging up the pavements & spilling onto the roads, leaving their erstwhile victims, we productive citizens from whom they can no longer steal, no alternative but to run them over. Again, an easy & thoroughly edifying solution.

Of course there'd be lots of politicians out there too having intimate encounters with Mr Firestone. As Prime Minister I wouldn't want any more than 60 of the creatures in Parliament with me, & I would want a Cabinet of five only - Treasury, Police, Justice, Defence & myself. I'd personally boot all the others down the steps of Parliament. Doing so to the Minister of Treaty Extortion, the Minister for Mosquitoes, the Minister of Culture & Heritage & the ex-Minister of Immigration - & to all their hangers-on - would afford me particular pleasure.

Lashings of lawyers in the mix as well (not literally, though there is perhaps something to be said for that): all those who prostitute what should be a noble profession by leeching on to the Waitangi grievance gravy-train, the Resource Management Abomination & similar statist excrescences will be out on their ear, along with the army of blood-sucking consultants similarly attached to sundry government excretions.

Oh, & let's not forget all the Health Managers - twice as many in the system now as in 1993 - & all the counsellors & all the Anger Management gurus & all the Human Resource charlatans & whatever other appendages of the Bullshit Industry we can drag out from under their various rocks. Nor would I fail to banish the Nico-Nazis, the Alco-Nazis, the Nutri-Nazis, the Homo-Nazis & all the other taxpayer-funded control freaks who want to dictate what we eat, smoke, think & do.

Oh yes, if I were Prime Minister, unemployment would go forward in leaps & bounds, soar, skyrocket, explode, boom, break the sound barrier - & I would be jumping for joy at the spectacle! Another 10,000 on the scrapheap this week? Oh, rapture!

Of course, that would be for the first year of my Prime Ministership only. In the second year, with all those useless parasites squelched into the bitumen & safely out of harm's way, there'd be more jobs created every five minutes of every day of every month than you could shake a dead bureaucrat at.

Politically Incorrect Show, beating the bastards back - 309 3099.

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