Lindsay Perigo
Lindsay Perigo

The Politically Incorrect Show - 10/12/1999

[Music - Die Fledermaus]

Good afternoon, Kaya Oraaa & welcome to the Politically Incorrect Show on the free speech network, Radio Pacific, for Friday December 10, proudly sponsored by Neanderton Nicotine Ltd., the show that says bugger the politicians & bureaucrats & all the other bossyboot busybodies who try to run our lives with our money; that stands tall for free enterprise, achievement, profit, & excellence, against the state-worshippers in our midst; that stands above all for the most sacred thing in the universe, the liberty of the human individual.

[Music up, music down!]

No, I'm not going to talk about our ultra-Politically Correct new Cabinet today - something a little off the beaten track instead, since it's Friday & it's the silly season, when we all tend to get a little fractious even though we're supposed to be exuding good will to each other. Today, say I, get some of that fractiousness out of your system! Think of something that REALLY gets on your wick, relive the rage it provokes within you, work yourself up into the most frightful lather - & tell me, Dr Linz, Therapist, all about it. Go on, start getting mad as hell right now! Then, so as not to make this exercise one for the incorrigible whiners amongst us, tell Dr Linz about something that really gives you an uplift as well, & puts the things that drive you nuts into perspective. I'm going to start the ball rolling myself - you can be MY therapists for a few minutes.

I can't stand people ringing me up - at home, I mean, not on air - when they're in the middle of eating something, usually a raw carrot. That is the rudest thing! You either want to eat your carrot or you want to have a conversation with me. Since you called me, I assume it's the latter. Well then, please stop that horse-chomping in my ear, or you'll get a horse-KICK in return.

I can't stand the head-banging caterwauling that passes for "music" in restaurants. Dining out used to be one of my favourite pleasures - good food, good wine, good conversation. No longer. There is simply nowhere to go where you're not assailed by barbaric jungle music that brutalises the eardrums & makes that most pleasurable of social intercourses, convivial conversation, impossible. If anyone knows an exception to this in Auckland, I'll be delighted to hear about it.

I can't stand it when people are mad at me about something - this happens often - but instead of telling me, sulk & pout like babies for days or weeks or months on end, leaving me in the dark as to what I've said or done. Or they won't truly accept an apology if one is forthcoming but instead try to eke every last ounce of abject grovelling contrition out of me. This is a favourite ploy of women, of course - but men can be even more childish. Recently a male friend of many years standing terminated our friendship because I said he was being a "pedantic pain in the butt" about something. Now, whether I was right or wrong (I was right, of course), is this something to terminate a friendship over? This person, I might add, continues to sleep in a bed which I lent him, sleep his guests in another bed which I lent him, & eat off a dining table which I lent him. This sort of infantile irrationality leaves me incredulous. Where, I wonder, does it come from? Is it, perchance, this nonsense in the schools that a child should never get his feelings hurt? What poppycock & piffle!

Antidotes? Well, they abound, & they more than compensate. To take just one: currently I am obsessed with the third movement of Beethoven's 9th Symphony. Not the Song of Joy movement, but the Adagio that precedes it. I had heard this countless times & paid it no great heed. Then by chance I heard a Furtwangler-conducted performance which was simply a revelation. He brought that movement to life in such a way that made me wonder if the other conductors had slept through it (or perhaps I had slept through it). Unfortunately, it's a live recording marred by untunefulness in the horn section (now who's being pedantic?) & I'm on the search for the perfect rendering! The uplift on the way is sublime.

Now, mes enfants, it's your turn. Uppers & downers, boomers & bummers, turn-ons & turn-offs - bring them all to Dr Linz. 309 3099.

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